This is it
by evermorelovely
Summary: Blaine makes the decision that it would be best to end things with Kurt now that he's in New York, not wanting to hold him back from his dreams. But, what will Kurt have to say about this? Can he change Blaine's mind?
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Kurt,_

_ I can't begin to describe how badly I don't want to be sitting here right now at my desk writing this letter. More than anything, I wish I could ignore my instincts. I wish I could go against everything everyone has ever told me and just… rebel. Unfortunately, I can't. You always told me I was good with words, Kurt, but I don't see that as true anymore. No words or phrases come to mind right now, I haven't the slightest idea how to begin to express what I am trying to say. _

_ This is it, Kurt. For us, I mean. Once you've finished reading this, our relationship has ended. Please, Kurt, please don't think that this has anything to do with how I feel about you. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my life, so much that sometimes it terrifies me. I'm assuming you've heard the saying "If you love something, let it go"… well that's what I'm doing, Kurt. You belong in New York, and I'm not going to let you be held back by your younger boyfriend who's stuck in Ohio. You deserve so much more than that, you deserve the best this world has to offer, and you won't get that with me tethering you down._

_ If you hate me for this- I understand. Maybe I should have told you in person about how I felt and my plan about this, but… I couldn't. I can't bring myself to say the words out loud or even consider vocalizing the words "I'm breaking up with you". That is something I won't do, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I don't have the courage I always insisted that you should embody. You're stronger than me in any way._

_ Kurt, you're the most amazing person I have ever met. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or let you doubt yourself. You are so talented and beautiful in every way, you're practically perfect. Sing your heart out, show them what you've got up there in New York City. You'll definitely be a catch, that much is for sure. All of the guys are going to swoon over you the minute you speak, that angelic voice of yours is sure to break some hearts._

_ Don't be afraid to find love, Kurtie. I won't take it personally, after all I am the one ending things, aren't I? Open yourself up and let people in, don't let me be the only person to ever see the beauty that is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Give someone else that honor, as well._

_ As for where we stand, I will never in my life stop loving you. Forever and always, you will be the greatest love of my life. If by some chance we are given the opportunity to be with each other again, I'll be here for you. I understand if you won't want me after this terrible thing I am doing to you, though. Hell, I wouldn't take me back. All I need is for you to know that whenever you need something, no matter how much time goes by or what hour at night, I'm here for you. I will always be your best friend, first and foremost. Goodbye, Kurt._

_ Love always,_

_ Blaine_

Kurt stood motionless in his dorm room, motionless except for his hands which were now violently shaking.

_To be continued…_


	2. Chapter 2

_He has to be kidding… yes, that's it… it's all a big joke… _  
>Kurt kept repeating these lines in his head, hoping soon he would believe it was true. Kurt knew it wasn't true.<br>_Maybe someone forged the letter! Sebastian, or someone else from Dalton who has had eyes on Blaine! Maybe someone from McKinley who is closeted and secretly wants him! _  
>This too, Kurt kept repeating the lines, telling himself that it was someone else who wrote him this letter. Kurt knew it wasn't true, he knew Blaine's handwriting like he knew the lyrics to Wicked.<p>

"Please, baby… _please…" _he whispered into the empty room.  
><em>He's not your baby anymore, Kurt. You read the letter yourself.<br>_Kurt didn't feel the tears leaving streaks down his pale face. He didn't notice the way he was shaking uncontrollably, he didn't hear the phone in his dorm ring, a call that was no doubtedly from Burt who was calling to check in on him like he said he would.

All Kurt could focus on was the burning pain in the middle of his chest, and the numbness that has spread everywhere else. Part of Kurt felt the deep sting that was settling in the back of his throat, what Kurt didn't know that it was from screams he had begin to slip through his clenched jaw. Soon, all of Kurt's thoughts melted into one, and only one, word.  
><em>Blaine.<br>Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Blaine…_

The next thing Kurt did was out of mere reflex. He raced to his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart.

_Ring, ring, ring, ring….  
>-<em>

Blaine raced around the room, wondering where on Earth he had put that damn phone of his. "Oh, come on…" he mumbled, picking up miscellaneous objects and looking underneath them. When he picked up a throw pillow resting on his bed he finally found his object of desire. Blaine had already heard a good number of rings and was in too much of a rush to bother looking at the Caller ID.

_Ring…_

"Hello?" he answered, out of breathes. He was quickly trying to calm himself down to avoid confused questions from the person on the other line. Oh, but panting or not, Blaine was about to get some pretty confused questions from the caller. Blaine waited for a response on the line, but as soon as he put the phone to his ear he heard muffled cries, and once he spoke the cries turned into sobs. Swallowing hard, he retracted the phone from his ear for a moment to glance at the number on the screen. It was a number he would recognize for the rest of his life.

Blaine took a deep breath, pulled the phone back to rest by his head and spoke, "…Kurt?" The sobs only got harder and louder, and with each one Blaine's heart broke a little bit more. "Shh… Kurt, Kurt, _please…"_

"Shh… Kurt, Kurt, _please…"_

_Please? Who the hell is he to say something like that?_

"P-please what, B-" Kurt could barely bring himself to say the name, "B-Blaine? Please calm yourself down? P-p-please don't flip out b-because I just br-br-" Kurt stopped; another word he was unable to force out of his mouth.

"Kurt, don't say it…" Blaine begged, trying to keep a hold o himself while he listened to Kurt lose it.

"Don't say what? What you didn't have the nerve to say to my face?" Kurt yelled, the sobs slowly calming down beneath his anger. "I don't care about your courage or how freakin' strong you are or are not! How could you do something like this to me? I thought you cared about me, Blaine!"

"Kurt, I do! Kurt, I lo-"

"DON'T! Don't say it because I _know_ you don't mean it!"

"But-"

"NO! You don't mean it, Blaine! Because if you _really_ did, we wouldn't be in this situation right now! If you loved me to the extent that you claim to, to the same extent that I love you, then you would never have pulled something like this! Damn it, Blaine!"

Blaine felt his heart ripping inside of his chest. Kurt didn't believe that he loved him. Kurt thought Blaine didn't share the same feelings… Kurt lost faith in the relationship they once had.

"I'm sorry… I really do love you, Kurt. Please, believe me. I love you more than anything or anyone else." Blaine explained, desperate for Kurt to understand. He was in tears now, too.

Kurt choked back a sob, "Then why did you do it?"

"I told you, Kurt… you're better off without me…"

"BULLSHIT!" screamed Kurt, his emotions getting the best of him. He nearly scared Blaine half to death on the other line. "I can make my own decisions, Blaine! If I was better off without you, I would have done something about it on my own!"

"I'm so sorry, Kurt…"

"I trusted you with my heart, Blaine… and you just disregarded it."

Neither boy had anything to say. Both stayed on the phone, silent except for their tears and sobs, for a solid ten minutes.

"I just can't hold you back…" mumbled Blaine.

_Are you serious? _ Kurt screamed internally, ready to bang his head against a wall.

"Blaine, do you realize how much I need you? Do you have any idea how much it was already _killing_ me to be away from you as my boyfriend? To think about being away from you as nothing but a "best friend"… thinking of you who could be out with other men and forgetting all about that Kurt Hummel kid who moved to New York? I can't live like that, Blaine. I can't live five hundred and ninety miles away from the person I love and know that he's nine hours and forty-four minutes apart from me, and not even mine anymore. If I don't have you, Blaine… I feel alone. I feel so completely, and utterly alone."

Kurt's breathing was returning a little to normal, his voice scratchy from all of the sobbing and screaming he had done. Kurt was exhausted and miserable. The perfect way to start college.

Blaine, on the other hand, was now sprawled across his bed clutching a shirt that Kurt had left at his house once, it still smelled just like him.

"I can't live like that, I don't want to imagine you with other guys… I don't want to think of you on dates or worse…"

"Then why did you make it that way?" Kurt asked, Kurt had now resulted to collapsing on his own bed, thankful for having a single dorm. Kurt was closely hugging a baby penguin stuffed animal that Blaine had bought him for one of their anniversaries. Blaine had added a sequined bow-tie to the penguin upon giving it to him, saying "There. Now the penguin's got just as much sass as you do."

Kurt broke away from his reverie when he heard a cry come from the other end of the phone, "Blaine?"

"Hmm?"

"Please…" Kurt begged, one more time.

"Kurt..." Blaine mumbled, trying to find the inner strength to get the words to cooperate, but before he could he was cut short by the sound of a dial tone. Hundreds of miles away, Kurt buried himself deeper under the covers, no longer caring about how hysterical he was. Deep down, Kurt felt he was absolutely nothing if he was not with Blaine.

**Thank you all so much for reading! I'm going to continue this, see where it takes me? It won't be ridiculously long, I think, but I like where this is headed and want to pursue it a bit more. This is sort of a ridiculous question, but does anyone have any name suggestions for the penguin that Blaine gave Kurt? I have a bit of inspiration that involves that penguin, and he needs a name (yes, he).**

**I love you all for the messages, favorites and reviews! You're all amazing.**

**Next chapter should be up soon, might get a little longer, too!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Great job, Blaine. You just single-handedly destroyed the best thing that ever happened to you. _

_No, this is what needed to happen. Kurt may not realize it, but you're not good for him. With you to worry about, he won't get anything done. He won't become the star that he's destined to become. All of the late night phone calls and video chats… they'll only distract him from his studies and everything else._

"But, I love him so much…" Blaine whispered nobody, sitting in the exact position he had been in three hours ago when Kurt had hung up on him.

_Don't be selfish._

No. Blaine couldn't be selfish. He couldn't be Kurt's biggest regret in life. He wouldn't allow that to be the way he was remembered.

_You would rather be remembered as that jackass that broke his heart the first day he got to college?_

_Yes._

Blaine made the decision to get up from his place in bed- even though it was _so comfortable_- and walked over to get his phone. As he paced the floor, he dialed the number Kurt's dorm room.

_Ring, ring, ring, ring ring…. Hi, you've reached Kurt Hummel, obviously I'm not available at the moment or else I would answer. If this is Brittany- then this is answering machine, Britt, don't start having a conversation. Anyway, leave me a message and I'll do my best to get back to you._

_Beep._

"Kurt," he started, "I'm so sorry, Kurt. But, I meant what I said. This is just how it needs to happen. I love you, ba- Kurt." Blaine caught himself, "I love you so much, and it's not the distance… it's just." _Just say how you feel, Blaine. Tell him the truth. _"I don't want to be your regret, Kurt. I don't want to be the person who held you back from everything you could have been. I don't want you to look back and think how if only Blaine Anderson hadn't gotten in the way you could have been a huge star. Please, please understand. Don't call me back, Kurt. Don't ask for me to change my mind, because I…I just can't. I'm here if you need a friend, but only that." Blaine hung up the phone.

"So, that's it. It's really over." Kurt whispered, drifting into sleep.

One week has gone by, one week without the Kurt being able to say, "Sorry, I have a boyfriend". One week without Blaine being able to give Sebastian a good reason for them to not head to a closet somewhere and make out while he visits Dalton. One week, one week that already felt like it was one year spent in hell.

Blaine had been dragging through school, already failing his first test and coming close to failure on another. When asked why, it wasn't because he didn't study or hadn't known the material, it was because he simply couldn't bring himself to actually answer the questions, and he had been distracted.

When he went for his weekly visit to his old academy, he made a habit of sitting in on a Warblers practice to see how they were doing; he hadn't bothered to stay more than thirty minutes. The Warblers had gotten into singing some love song and he went running out of the room. Not even Wes was willing to chase after him, claiming he heard enough of his crying the night before on the phone.

Blaine was going about his normal-and pathetic- routine of going home, doing homework and going to bed, when he heard a familiar ringing. _Not the phone, again…_

"Hello?"

"Blaine Warbler, you asshole!"

"Rachel?"

"Yes, Rachel!"

"What do you want?" he groaned, sitting on the bed.

"What do I want? Well, let me think about that. I want you to stop making my best friend miserable, that's what I want!"

"Rach-"

"Do you know that he hasn't gone to any of his classes?" she interrupted, barely even noticing he had begun saying anything at all.

"What do you mean he hasn't gone to any classes?" asked Blaine, a bit confused.

"I mean Kurt won't leave his room! We have almost every class together, and I haven't seen him at one! Apparently he did go to one of his design classes, but I only know that because I have one of my friends checking up on him and reporting back to me. You need to fix this, Blaine. You need to fix it _now."_

"He's better-"

"REALLY? Does he SEEM better off to you right now? Do you know what missing a week of classes is already doing to his grades, after everything Burt and Carole did save up for his tuition are you going to allow yourself to be the reason he fails out? In case you haven't noticed, Warbler, he was better off with you! He was happy; he had something to look forward to! He knew that after a long day of classes he would be able to go to his dorm and tell you all about it! He could have a horrible day and know that when he goes home he has a boyfriend there who loves him and will be there for him!"

There was a long silence before Blaine spoke up.

"Rachel, you don't understand!" Blaine reasoned, sitting up taller on his bed.

"_I _don't understand? Listen to yourself, Blaine!" Rachel took a long pause, huffing and puffing through the phone, "…do you love Kurt?"

The question took Blaine by surprise, "Of course I love him, I love him more than anything else in the world."

"Then why did this seem like a good idea to you? Why did it make sense to make both of you miserable and alone? I understand the long distance relationship thing, Blaine, remember, I have one myself!" said Rachel.

"Moving to New York City… it's scary, Blaine… it's just… he _needs you. _ He needs you, I need Finn… that's just the way things are. If you just expect for you to be separated from him for a year and then show up next August ready to run back in his arms, then you're going to be in for disappointment, Blaine, because Kurt _will _move on. It will take some time, but after breaking his heart like _this_, if you don't fix this soon, Kurt will never take you back." Rachel was about to hang up the phone when she heard a small whisper.

"I made a mistake…"

"Excuse me?" asked Rachel, thrown off guard.

"I said I made a mistake…" he repeated.

"Are you going to do something about it? I mean, he's not even getting dressed these days, Blaine…"

"I'm going to fix this." He told her, already rising out of bed.

"You are?"

"Yes."

"So, my talk worked? I got through to you?" Rachel inquired, "That usually never happens…"

"I have to go, Rachel…_thank you._"

Blaine hung up the phone and raced to his closet. He had an idea. He had an idea that would maybe help him get his Kurt back. Because after all of this, Lord knows it wasn't going to be easy to get forgiveness.

**Next chapter should be up either soon today, or tomorrow. I've been struck with sudden inspiration!**


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